Bernard Natt | Relly Natt | Judith Natt | Roeschen Schuester | Grossmama Natt |

School Years | Kristallnacht | Holland | Working in Germany
Amsterdam | Prison | Liberation | Letter

Prison and Concentration Camp, June 1943 - January 1945.

But when I had passed the farm somebody shouted to stop immediately or he would shoot. I turned round and there were two German soldiers pointing their guns at me. They had been hiding behind the entrance-door of the farm building. I had no choice but to stop and they came to me. Unfortunately I was taken again to the same police station in Bocholt where I had been the day before and there was the same Gestapo-official. There were a few prison cells and I stayed alone in one. In the cell next to mine were three prisoners, one Belgian and two Germans. With the Belgian I became quite friendly. He was Mr. Emile Lebrun. (His address was: 41 Rue Olivier Gilles, Chatelet Hainant, Belgique) and through the wall we had many conversations. I managed to give him my parents' address in London. As Belgium was liberated earlier by the Allied forces than many other countries in Europe he wrote from there to my parents in London before the end of the war and he told them that he had met me in the prison of Bochholt. Shortly after the liberation of Belgium and Bochholt by the Allied forces, when he was walking nearby he met the Gestapo man who had been in Bochholt and who had interrogated us. Of course he was now dressed in civil. Mr. Lebrun shot and killed him immediately.

I stayed in the prison of Bochholt about three weeks. There were many interrogations. Of course they found out that my papers were false, and that also my address in Holland and other information were not correct. At the end I had no choice but to give them my correct name, also that I was Jewish. They also wanted to know who were the officials in the Dutch labor exchange who had given us the papers. I did not know their names anyway but I told them that a certain Mr Baker in Amsterdam had provided me with the false identity-card and papers. -Altogether it was quite a horrible time which I spent in the prison of Bochholt.

After three weeks in Bochholt I was transferred to Munster in Westphalen. For half a day I was locked up at the Gestapo there. To my surprise I found in the room where I had been locked up many Jewish prayer books and other books about Jewish subjects. That building had belonged to the Jewish community in Munster and was then seized by the Gestapo, which used it as their headquarters. To meet the SS in that building was no pleasure, especially as they told me that as a spy they would hang me. As I had been working under false name in an important factory for war-production, "Eisengiesserei Baumgarten" in Brackwede by Bielefeld, it was obvious that I was a spy. However in the afternoon I was transferred to the "Gerichtsgefaengnis" in Munster, which was in the center of the town. I was in a cell together with a Dutch man and a Pole. The police-sergeant in charge of us was not too bad. He talked quite a lot with me. He told me that his son had become prisoner of war and was now in Canada, where they were treating him very well. When later I had got an infection and blood poisoning in my hand, he took me to the hospital where it was operated. - Time went very slowly. One was living from one meal to the next. But every day here in prison seemed to be a gain, compared to being in a concentration-camp.

On a quiet Sunday-afternoon on the 10th of October 1943 suddenly a large number of American bombers appeared in the sky and the town of Munster was severely bombed. Everywhere were explosions and fires. Also our prison was hit many times. There appeared large cracks in the walls and ceiling of our cell and next door was fire. We thought this would be our end, as of course we were locked up and could not leave. There was already fire in the ceiling. My two cell-mates were on their knees and were praying, so did I. But in the last moment our police-sergeant with some other police appeared and opened the door. Through the burning town we were escorted to the "Zuchthaus", this is the prison for very serious criminals. We were again locked up in cells. At the beginning I was together with only one person, a German prisoner called Arthur.

Arthur tried to be very friendly to me. He told me that he always liked Jews and that he always had many Jewish friends. He seemed to be in prison already for long time. But he told me that the judge had made a mistake and that in fact he was completely innocent. This he told only at the beginning. Later he told me what probably was nearer to the truth: With a friend he had been watching the man who every week brought wages for the workers of a coal mine in the "Ruhrgebiet". (In this district near the town Essen there is much coal mining.) Eventually they stopped him with a gun and robbed the money. Later he was caught. Of course he was a criminal and he was already in prison for many years and also for other crimes. Being a long time in prison, he had some privileges: He helped the policeman in charge to distribute the food every day and by other prisoners he was very much treated with respect. A short time later another person was taken to our cell. This time it was a Catholic priest. At night he had been listening to the English radio and apparently his landlady had reported him to the police. This time Arthur told the newcomer that he always had been a devote Catholic, that he has a very high respect for the pope and that he is often praying.

A few days later again some other person joined us. This time it was a Nazi doctor. When he was working in hospital he had made some insulting remarks about Mussolini. Some nurse heard it and reported it to the Gestapo. Therefore he had been arrested. This time Arthur told him that he had always been a Nazi that he can't stand Jews and that he has the highest regard for the Fuhrer. I myself enjoyed a lot that this Nazi-doctor had been arrested. Time passed. The people with whom I shared the cell were taken away and others came. I came in contact with many prisoners, but I never met anybody Jewish. When I mentioned to somebody about Jews they pretended not to know anything. Once for a few days a young German was in the cell. He mentioned something about Weisse Rose. (White Rose was the name of a small resistance group of German students who were caught and beheaded by the Gestapo.) When we made our daily exercise-walk in the prison's courtyard the policeman in charge made a sign, after he had passed him that soon he will lose his head. - Even so, I was glad for every day I stayed there. Though I did not yet know the details about Auschwitz, I was sure that in a concentration camp it would be much worse than here in this prison.

Then in November 1943 came an order from the Gestapo that I must be taken to concentration camp Auschwitz. - It was quite a long journey. We traveled in special carriages for prisoners. They were affixed to ordinary trains. In the evenings we were taken to special prison compounds along the railway line or to prisons in the towns were we came along to stay there for the night and to get food. I met there all kinds of prisoners: Czechs, Germans, Dutch, Poles etc. But I never met Jews. When the others heard that I was Jewish they became rather quiet and never seemed to know anything about Auschwitz. Of course compared to the terrible conditions under which Jews were transported to the camps, standing and squeezed together in cattle-cars, my journey almost seemed luxurious. - I more or less remember that we passed Hanover and Braunschweig where we stayed for the night. Then via Magdeburg and Dessau to Breslau. To the east of Dessau houses, streets and towns were not darkened anymore, it was all lighted. Apparently they did not expect Allied air attacks so far to the east. After a night in the prison of Breslau we were put on a train for prisoners only. They were all non-Jewish prisoners for Auschwitz. This train moved very slowly and often stopped for hours. We traveled about three days and nights and we received no food or water. On the evening of the third day, on the 20th of November 1943 we arrived at the concentration camp Auschwitz.

Now a very difficult time began. Everything I had experienced in the past was only child’s play compared to what went on now.

Strong search-lights were directed on the train from all sides. Outside the guards screamed and shouted: "Raus, raus, schneller, schneller, dalli, dalli" (Get out, quicker, quicker) and everybody went out on the ramp. In groups we were escorted into the quarantine-block. This was a large three-story brick building. As we entered some old-time prisoners handed out pieces of old dry bread. People in the group rushed towards them, some managed to get a piece and many started to fight with each other as there was not enough for everyone and people were crazy from hunger. Among us were many Poles, Ukrainians and Russians, many of them very strong and wild people and some jumped at each other's throat to fight for a piece of bread.

We all had to undress. All clothes and belongings were taken away and we got striped prisoner-clothing. Now we were distributed into the various large rooms. Each room was filled up with three-story beds, this means there were always three beds above each other. The beds were with straw mattresses lying on planks with some blankets. As there were much more prisoners than beds two had to be in one bed. I shared my bed with a Russian prisoner, an elderly man, who seemed to be very ill and had a terrible cough. During the night his coughing and breathing got weaker and early next morning I realized that I was lying in bed with a dead person. Some more people had died during the night and their bodies were taken away. Next morning we had to undress and naked we had to run through the cold and snow to a large barrack with showers where we had to take a hot shower. Thereafter, completely naked and wet, (we did not get towels to dry ourselves) we had to run back to the quarantine-block. In November it is already very cold in Poland. From this probably many prisoners got ill. - We stayed two weeks in the quarantine block. During this time everybody was registered. On my arm was tattooed my prisoner-number, No. 164201. Immediately after this all hairs on my body, on the head and everywhere else where cut off. (This was repeated from time to time.)

Each prisoner had to carry a certain sign on the left side of his jacket which showed to which category he belonged. Criminal prisoners had a green triangle, political prisoners had their sign, (these were mostly German socialists or communists), homosexuals had a rose triangle as sign, Jews wore a red triangle, including me. - Concentration camp Auschwitz was not one camp but a group of prison-camps situated not far from the town Auschwitz or Oswicien which is a small town between Krakau and Kattowitz, which are now in Poland. Al was the central camp and there were many nationalities. A2 was Birkenau and there were the infamous gas chambers and crematoriums. A3 was Buna where they worked for German industry, mostly producing artificial rubber. There were some more camps working for German war-industry. At Al newcomers arrived and were sorted out, including me. Jewish transports arrived here too. They were sorted out on arrival, the strong and healthy ones for work, all the others were immediately taken to Birkenau to be murdered in the gas-chambers and the bodies to be cremated in the many crematoriums built there. All this I got to know soon. But also those Jews who were working in the camps were checked again and again by the camp doctor, (this was Dr. Mengele), and who was not strong or fit anymore was taken to be murdered in the gas-chambers.

After leaving the quarantine-block I was transferred to another block and I started to work in the transport-commando. We had to transport cement-sacks or other materials, mostly building-materials from the railway wagon or from the truck into the storehouse, or the other way round. Like all commandos, also this commando had as boss a Kapo. The commando was subdivided into smaller work groups, each group working under a foreman. Kapos and foremen were mostly German prisoners, political or criminal or sometimes Poles or Ukrainians. Apparently there were also a few Jewish Kapos and foremen, though I never met one.

A Kapo and also a foreman could use any means to enforce discipline or to make people work harder. He could beat them up or punish them otherwise as he liked. It happened quite often that people were beaten to death. Among the prisoners in the camp the highest positions were held by German criminals or political prisoners, these were mostly the Kapos. They got their orders from the SS in charge. Lower positions were given to Poles, Ukrainians and others and the lowest group were of course Jews and gypsies. Also in the buildings in which we were sleeping there were different positions: The Blockowi the prisoner in charge of the whole building and the Stubowi, the one in charge and responsible for the room. (Blockowi and Stubowi are polish words.) Only Jewish prisoners were liable for selections to the gas chambers.

There was also a block for ill people, the "Krankenbau". Especially for Jews it was dangerous to be ill and to be in this block, because in this block they made more often selections for the gas chambers then in other blocks. Also I myself was a few times in the "Krankenbau" when I was very ill. As mentioned before, I was working in the "Transport-kommando". We had to transport sacks of cement or other building materials, as bricks, loading or unloading them or putting them in stores or we had to dig coal from or into containers, etc. Working groups were called "Kommandos". There were also Kommandos to collect dead bodies, to clean, and many Kommandos went to work outside the camp. The large buildings in the camp were called "Blocks" and they were numbered. In most of them prisoners were living and sleeping. But some had a special purpose. As far as I remember Block 10 was for medical experiments. Fortunately I never came into this block. There Dr. Mengele, the infamous camp doctor made his experiments. Besides making other experiments, he wanted to develop easy, quick and cheap ways to sterilize men and women without narcotics. (After winning the war the Nazis intended to sterilize all half-Jews and others whom they considered inferior. ) All those who underwent these experiments were sterile for all their life.

The large storage block was called "Canada". There valuables stolen from arriving prisoners were stored. Prisoners working there were considered lucky as they could get valuables and sell them to SS-men and get in return extra food or other favors. - We had to get up very early in the morning, at 4:30. The bed had to be made and arranged very accurately. Everyone got a piece of bread and a piece of sausage for the whole day. Now all prisoners of the block had to stand outside for Appell. We had to stand in rows and everybody's number was called up by the SS-man in charge. (We had no names anymore, we were only numbers. ) The purpose of the Appell was to check if everybody was present, or of those who were not present to find out the reason why they were missing.

Not enough food, no clothing to speak of, beatings, heavy labor, sickness. If one wanted to stay alive, one had to get food, clothing, etc. illegally, in spite of the danger of the heaviest possible punishment. We had to organize to steal from the SS stores. Horrible crimes have been committed here, millions of Jews were gassed. When too many transports arrived and the gas chambers were overloaded, people were burned alive in huge fires. Dangerous experiments were conducted on healthy people. Many young boys and girls were sterilized forever. If I wanted to report everything that happened here I could fill volumes.

There was a horrible contrast between the outward appearance of the camp and the bestiality and degradation within. In the evening the working parties of the prisoners would return to the camp, carrying their dead - those who had been beaten or kicked to death by their criminal overseers, or who had simply dropped of starvation and disease.

We worked usually outside the camp. Then we had to march through the large entrance-gate above which was written "ARBEIT MACHT FREI" (work makes free). Near the entrance the camp-orchestra was playing. They made cheerful music. Also near the entrance was the block with prostitutes (for German soldiers, SS and police.) They were looking out of the windows, laughing and waving, most of them very much made up, very red lips etc.) Many times all this seemed to me unreal like a crazy dream. The Kapos or foremen shouting at us to march faster, everybody in tension, and at the same time this happy music, like "Muss ich denn, muss ich denn zum Staedele hinaus, und Du mein mein Schatz bleibst hier" or other German folk songs.

At work one had to try not to be one of the slowest but to be one of the average, so as not to draw attention and to be beaten up. For all the time, Kapos, foremen or SS-men were walking around and watching us and shouting at us to work harder and faster. There were sometimes quite horrible scenes when somebody was beaten up or even beaten to death. Once an SS-man came to me, stood in front of me and started to laugh and shouted: "Du verfluchter Saujude, du wirst bald in der Gaskammer ver-recken, ha ha ha ha ". (You cursed rotten Jew, soon you will die in the gas chamber.) Of course, I kept quiet. - In the late afternoon we returned from work into the camp and to our block. On the way back we had to carry with us dead bodies, those who had died at work. Again, when we passed the entrance the orchestra was playing.

Before entering the block there was again Appell, to stand in rows to check that nobody had vanished. Sometimes such Appells took hours when we had to stand in the cold and they were checking.

Thereafter we returned to our rooms and now we got some kind of soup. In each room was some Stubowi or Stubenaeltester who was in charge of the room and could do anything with us in order to keep order, discipline and cleanliness. He supervised the handing-out of the soup and to his friends he usually gave an extra portion. Altogether I was always very hungry and I got very thin. Those who were very thin and weak and who were not considered of having much chance of living much longer were called "Muselmann". After a month or two I also had become a "Muselmann". To eat ones soup each one went to sit on his bed. (There was no other place to sit or to go to.) This was the most primitive form of life possible. If sometimes I managed to get some extra food I felt very lucky. Non-Jewish prisoners were allowed to receive parcels. Especially Poles got parcels with food from their family who quite often were not living far away. If I did some service to them (as repairing clothes, fixing some buttons) I could earn myself some extra food. -As quite often I was moved from one block to another I had hardly time nor opportunity to get personal contact with fellow prisoners. Early in the evening we had to go to sleep. During the nights I felt the most lonely, isolated from and abandoned by the world, when I was lying on the so-called mattress which was really a sack filled with straw with lots of flies which at night moved all over my body. Getting out of bed during the night one had to be very quiet as otherwise one risked a terrible beating by the watchman. At night everybody was only wearing a very short shirt.

Besides the striped prisoner-clothes, everyone of us had only very few possessions: A spoon to eat soup, a belt to keep up the trousers and some additional clothing and shoes. At night all this was kept in ones bed perhaps together with some bread or other food which one was keeping for the next day. One had to watch all this as quite often something was stolen, especially at night.

After some time a large abscess grew under my left shoulder. As it got worse I could not work anymore and I had to enter the "Krankenbau" (Lazaret). After one day there, the abscess was cut open without anesthetics. They held me down and I screamed from pain. A few days later everybody in the block was ordered to appear naked in front of the camp doctor, Dr Mengele. He looked at everyone and apparently decided whom to send to the gas chamber and whom not. He made a note about everyone. From now on we were kept completely separate and were in fact locked up in this block. We stayed for another day to wait for the final decision who would go on transport to Birkenau. (Transport to Birkenau meant to be sent to the gas chamber.)

It was a horrible waiting period. Then the Blockowi of this block appeared and read out the numbers of those to be sent to Birkenau. The numbers were read in their order. I was standing there and sweating and trembling, waiting for my death sentence as my number approached. Then the miracle happened, my number had been left out. The Stubowi (Polish word for commander of the room) was a Christian Pole, quite a sympathetic person. At the selection for the gas chamber only Jews had to appear. Two young Jewish-Polish boys in our room had been very close and friendly with this Stubowi. Apparently they had known him from before the war. Also these two had been selected for the gas chamber. When they were now called up to go down to enter the truck to be taken to Birkenau they fell on their knees in front of the Stubowi and begged: "Panje Stubowi, please help us, please hide us somewhere, we don't want to die, please save us. " I shall never forget this picture. Their friend, the Stubowi could not help them and with the others -they went on "Transport to Birkenau". About twenty minutes later we remaining Jewish prisoners in the block assembled in a comer and said Kaddish for those who just had been murdered. It was heartbreaking. About two hours later the clothes of those who had died came back.

Next day when I went again to the Polish doctor who had cut the abscess, to look at the wound, I could see that he was very surprised to see me. He suddenly became interested. He asked me who I was and how I had come to this camp. Also the other Poles who usually kept away from Jews became friendlier to me. I was told that after the selection by Mengele the numbers of those who had been chosen for the gas chambers went to the political department and were checked. As there I was registered as a political prisoner my number had been taken off the list.

I left the "Krankenbau" (hospital block) to work in various Kommandos. I also never stayed for a long time in the same block or Saal (very large room where we were sleeping), but I had to move quite often. Therefore it was not possible to establish some closer relationships with others, because as soon as I got somebody to know I had to move somewhere else. (I have no idea who organized all this. ) Also all the time many disappeared to the gas chambers or died otherwise. Therefore I was usually on my own. Fortunately somehow we got always the news of the war situation, and that it went very badly for Germany. This was a great help to everyone.

Suddenly large amounts of Jewish-Hungarian prisoners arrived in Auschwitz. Many of them had brought much food with them. It was taken from them and put into the soup for the prisoners.

Therefore suddenly to our surprise the soups were much richer and better.

Many of these Hungarians were murdered immediately on arrival but some came into our camp. Most of them were completely unprepared. Hungarian Jews (like many German Jews) had been very patriotic Hungarians. Some had been soldiers in the Hungarian army and had been serving at the eastern front against the Russians. Suddenly they had been called back, had been arrested and were sent to Auschwitz together with other Hungarian Jews. Of course, they could not understand this.

I got again very ill, this time diarrhea. There was a special block for those ill with it, as this illness was very frequent. Just to enter this block was a horrible experience. There was a strong smell and the block was overcrowded. Therefore two ill prisoners were in one bed. Most of them were thin like skeletons and without any strength left. There were very few medicaments. The two Stubowis in our room were two young prisoners, one a Pole, one a Ukrainian, both very rough and cruel. As there was shortage of beds they helped people to die quicker, to empty the beds. Especially weak old people they boxed and beat into their stomachs and faces till they were dead, a shocking performance. - Again there was a selection for the gas chambers. Again the same nightmare experience: Walking naked in front of the camp doctor, together being locked up till the decisions had been made and then waiting for being called up for "transport to Birkenau". Again I was not included. Then the heart braking farewell, Kaddish and then their clothes came back. Three times I had been selected for the gas chamber during my stay at Auschwitz.

Fortunately I recovered from the diarrhea and I returned to work. Now I was living in a room with Jews from Greece, from Saloniki. Before the war many of them had been port workers in the port of Saloniki.

On one afternoon, when we were all in the room, an SS-man came with a Kapo. They talked with the Greek Stubowi of our room and told him that they wanted two relatively strong and healthy persons. They walked round, looked at everyone and chose two young men, both Greek Jews. But the Stubowi interfered and told them that there was another prisoner even stronger and healthier and he took them to me. The SS-man agreed and they took me instead of one of the two Greek-Jewish young men. - This was not unusual -as everyone of some group helped in the first place those of his own group. As I was not one of them they were quite prepared to sacrifice me in order to help one of their own people. There were very few German Jews left in this camp, therefore I was mostly alone among members of other groups. This also applied to non-Jewish prisoners. Germans, Poles, Ukrainians and others usually tried to help those of their own group. As the SS treated prisoners differently according to their nationality and race, non-Jewish prisoners got better, higher positions than Jews, and therefore there was much jealousy and hatred between the various groups. This was exactly what the SS intended and this helped them to rule and control the camps.

We were taken to another block and there were already eight other prisoners. There we had to wait. Each of us was called into an adjoining room to talk with the doctors. Eventually I was called in too and there were two doctors, the camp doctor, Dr. Mengele and the Standort Arzt, the doctor for the local SS-unit. They were surprisingly friendly, they asked me who I was and where I came from. They even seemed more interested when I told them that my father was a doctor too and that he had been a doctor in the German army during the first world war. Then they told me that they wanted to make a very simple experiment with us, very harmless and that there was no reason to worry. After the interviews each of us had to drink a cup of black coffee and apparently in the coffee was a certain narcotic and they probably wanted to see how this narcotic worked on us. Soon I fell unconscious and only 48 hours later I woke up again. It must have been a very strong narcotic for two of the nine of us did not wake up but died.

Again back to work. Transports arrived, most of the newcomers were gassed immediately on arrival. But also among those working in the camp there were selections for the gas chambers. We felt always hungry, as we never got sufficient food. Many died from exhaustion, bad treatment or illnesses. When getting up in the morning or walking in the camp there were always dead bodies lying. - But somehow we got to know that the German army was retreating and that the Russians were coming nearer. There was a general nervousness and an air of expectations. (Non-Jewish prisoners received sometimes newspapers. But we felt completely helpless and isolated, as we had no contact with the outside world and in fact the SS could do with us whatever they liked. - Some prisoners had been caught when trying to escape and were hanged in public.

In November 1944 everybody knew already that the Russian army was getting closer. At that time there appeared a large growth or abscess on the left side of my breast. It grew larger and larger and it ached. (Now I know that this -was caused by the tuberculosis in the spine. The pus of that infection collected in this swelling.) When I went to the "Krankenbau" the camp doctor was there too. It was a very dangerous situation for he could have sent me to the gas chamber. However he became interested and decided that this must be operated immediately. I was taken to a well equipped operating-room (probably not for prisoners) and there was a German nurse. I was put into narcosis. It seemed to me that I woke up much later, and then I was extremely weak. Now I know that during the operation, when they cut open this large abscess, I had lost very much blood and when I was returned to my block I was in an extremely critical state. A Russian-Jewish doctor, Dr. Gordon, also a prisoner, was now in charge of me. He decided that I needed immediately a blood-transfusion. A half-Jewish prisoner, Mr Schimmel from Hamburg was prepared to give blood for me. (Without this blood-transfusion I probably would have died.) As I was very weak I had to stay in bed. But there was much excitement as we knew that the Russian army was approaching. During the first weeks of January 1945 some groups of prisoners already left Auschwitz and had to march to the west, to Germany. More and more prisoners left, only the seriously ill including me were allowed to stay behind.

On the 22nd of January 1945 the camp had been evacuated by the German army. Before leaving we were told by some German doctors that the Red Cross was now in charge of us. But during the Following days special SS-units came back twice, once to Birkenau and once to other camps nearby and there they shot some of those prisoners who had stayed behind. Their intention had been to kill everybody who had stayed behind and also to destroy the crematoriums and gas chambers, but there was no time as the Russians were approaching quickly. Therefore they left.

For five days we were between the German and Russian lines, in no-man's land. Those among us who could walk went to the stores of the army and SS, opened them and found there large amounts of food preserves. After having been hungry and undernourished for a very long time, suddenly we had plenty of food, meat preserves, fish preserves, bread etc. Everybody ate as much as he could, this was very dangerous as our bodies were not used anymore to so much food. Many got diarrhea and some died of it. Besides there was of course much excitement. Nobody knew when the Russians would come, also we were very afraid that the Germans might launch a counter offensive and perhaps come back.